Like everyone else it seems, I tuned into the New Heights podcast with Taylor Swift to see what she had to say. I didn’t expect a simple sentence she uttered to change the way I live my life, but it did. What she said hit home more than any of her lyrics have for me. 

In talking about why online criticism doesn’t ruin her life anymore, she talked about thinking of your energy like it’s expensive, like it’s a luxury item. “Not everyone can afford it.” Boom. Mic drop. 

I didn’t realize how deep the statement really was at the time. But for me, it wasn’t about social media and online criticism. It was about the people I interact with in my everyday life, both the strangers and those closest to me, my family.

Energy in a family system is strange. Everyone assumes that because they’re related to you, they’re entitled to access to your energy. Blood feels like a membership card. You show up, you engage, you defend yourself, you explain yourself, you try to fix the thing that isn’t yours to fix, because that’s what family does.

Something clicked for me, and I realized it doesn’t have to be. And it’s not anymore, not for me.

I began applying Swift’s line to the moments that used to drain me most. A relative starts something. An opinion gets thrown my way that nobody asked for. A dynamic that’s been playing out the same way for twenty years shows up right on schedule. Instead of stepping into it, I think to myself, is this worth my energy investment?

I stopped engaging the drama. I don’t argue or defend or take the bait, and I don’t take it personally. I let people be exactly who they are, and I stay exactly who I am. No debating or persuading to get them to see it my way. My energy doesn’t go there anymore, because it doesn’t deserve it.

This may sound cold or distant, but I don’t see it that way anymore. It took me a while to understand that. Letting people be who they are, without exhausting myself trying to change them, is actually one of the warmest things I’ve done for my relationships for years. The ones with my family improved. Not because I changed or they changed, but because I stopped auditioning for a role I never wanted in the first place; call it referee, translator, or emotional janitor.

When you think about it, it lines up with the philosophy behind The Well Midlife. Addition by subtraction. I didn’t add a new boundary script or create a five-step communication framework. Instead, I subtracted my participation; I removed myself from the transaction. Drama needs an audience and a debate partner to survive, and I’m no longer available to be either one.

If this sounds like something your own life could use, don’t overthink it. The next time someone hands you something that isn’t yours – an opinion, a guilt trip, an old argument dressed up as a new one, picture a price tag. Ask yourself if this situation is worth that price to you. If not, you don’t need to invest your energy in it. Keep it for the things that truly matter. You don’t owe anyone an explanation for not spending it.

Your peace was never meant to be free for everyone. Charge accordingly.

I wonder where in your life someone is getting free access to your energy that they haven’t earned? I’d love to hear about it. Email me or drop it in the comments below.